If the poem by Rudyard Kipling

IF - Rudyard Kipling

Was actually reminiscing my childhood days when i remembered one of my English teacher. The way he narrated the IF poem... so artistically that it still remains in the fragments of my brain....

A favourite poem of mine which tells you how to be a successful man and more a successful human being. No wonder he got his Nobel so early... Here it is for it means something at every stage of ur life when you read...


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;


If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;




If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man my son!

We are the creator of our own DESTINY !!!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

The con in the Corporate world...

I guess there must be a con like me in every corporate company in India... Im the guy who strangely enjoys the warmth and the wrath of the austere and utter places in life.

 

I kind of feel the urchin in me is long gone. Its kinda strange and funny what life can do to you when you let people to play in your life. I can only keep reciting the words of balboa that that world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. Its a mean and nasty place and will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it.

 

5 Years almost. God when you say like that, you wonder when it went. Guess i am trapped-in so deep into the cobwebs of the world around me.  I have only myself to blame for the desultruous and slothful state iam in.

 

well i actually wanted to start this as a funny one to post about the state of my slothful lifestye and about the fellow con's around me.

 

Like the red says when he talks about brooks emotions in the film S.Redemption

 

These walls are really funny,  though you are virtually trapped in the blockades and figments of your own imagination, its like a quicksand. When you think things will be just fine one things goes wrong and another..... and another...... and another..... and that is when you think its all over for you and the spirit in you goes dim and takes the sheen out of the glory in all the work we do.

 

IT feels like you are getting happless as times go by... like the ash that flies away. Red says these walls, first you hate them and you get used to them. As enough time passes by you get so you depend on them. Thatz institutionalized. Having trapped here for life thatz exactly what they take away. Part that counts anyway...  Thats the way I feel.

 

Its like a walkway where you know you could run past sprinting ahead of everyone but are only blocked by these slowly moving asses around. Like the calf in the cattle. First for a while its really hard to control when it runs amok but as time goes by, it gets matured along with his big cows and gets institutionalized with its surroundings. It goes rather impassive and learns not-to-give-a-damn-shit whatever happens. The same reason as to why the calf of the pachyderms even are tied with small chains... 

 

This is the state of me and the fellow con's around me. They come here shining so bright radiating the spirit enlightening the place around and giving hope to everyone. But as days go by the shimmering light gives away all the feeble flame that it inherited and over time the once running stream gets coagulated with the shits blocking around which finds it very difficult to overcome.

 

But Some birds are never to be caged. They simply fly from one to another or rather re-orient themselves to different priorities. And most do enjoy the warmth in the desultorous (is thr a word like that ??) state lost in the madness burying their dreams feared of everything that could rock them from the rather ensconced position and slothful life. The world would seem so doomed to them. Not knowing the outside world and the pace with which its moving. Where new things set-in so rapidly.

 

But there are really some who gets all the breaks. Who balances well between shitting around and simultaneously soaring around among the shitters. But the irony is that you can't loose the real you to become that some. God.. wheny you see those wry smile around their face (Wryly smiling wily foxes), full of facades, selfish lives, odd demeanour, Faking friendships, hiding stymies and yet pretending and portraying and canonizing themselves as if like a saint. Gosh it feels like even hell would be a better place to live-in.

 

This is the only motivation urging you to move-on. Like the boy in the cohleo's Alchemist goes on in search of his dream, his destiny ignoring all the worldly comforts of the world. I guess the destiny is the place that you may never reach to. But one should always march towards his destiny in every walks of his life. His work, pastimes, play everything should only be related to his ultimate destiny. The place he may never reach to.

 

Having ended up here in itself is a rather unfortunate, awkward, inextricable and odd predicament. But whenever the unfortunate ones tries to slog around with-in his given boundaries hoping to be counted only finds himself being counted-out for being rather uninteresting i guess... Only those who flaunt their flamboyance, absurdity and selfishness are the ones who gets all the breaks. Then comes rather different breed the meek, faking, approbative and pro 'sombus'. One rather should end-up being in company of one or other.

 

I'd never get bemused a bit with all these wily acts for sheer success (in their own terms). For I know deep down inside me that who I am and what am I made of. No one can take from you what you have it in you. But I certainly feel for those (and myself at times) having wasting our times here still hoping to change things around, to be fair and sincere to everyone. I'd always luk for my passions to stay thirsty even if they doesn't matter anymore. Because here's where it makes the most sense. you need it so you dont forget. forget that there are places in the world that aren't made out of stone. there's something inside that they can't get to. that they can't touch. That's yours... Thatz Hope....

 

I am really hopeful that i'll find the light of the day someday or other for hope is the spirit that never dies and keeps burning with-in. Now its only for the time to tell what it has in store for each one of us. But the days gone by will never return and would remain one of the hardest and longest lesson learnt in our lives.

 

So herez me ending the post again on a hopeful note though being surrounded by deep shit. One at this stage can have either of the attitudes. To stay positive and hopeful that things would change for the better and work for it or rather call it quits and save the rest of the years from going up in ashes and get back to chasing the dreams or whatever we had been longing for all the while.

 

Success they say is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far ;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

 

I QUIT.....

 

For I shall get back to my ways after long days of hibernation. And Success is defined only as

 

To laugh often and love much;

To win the respect of intelligent persons

and the affection of children;

To earn the approval of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends ;

 

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give off one's self without the

slightest thought of return;

 

To have accomplished a task, whether

by a healthy child, a rescued soul, a

garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with

Enthusiasm and sung with exaltation;

 

To know that even one life has breathed

easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

 

Have a great day guyz....... And thanks for the read...

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Home Alone - Lost in Solitude - Adieu to Murali...

Lying alone on my makeshift mattress like a 'Lonely Cat' i was wondering how long am i going to see the ceiling... must've been an hour atleast. And my eyes are full of tears.. (yeah... I cried after many long days....) the chill that i can feel as i see the fan that as it kept rotating incessantly kinda deported me to those good old days... The days gone by like a flash..

Must've been more than 4 and half years now... They say life flies like an arrow.. It went indeed very swiftly. we never had time to look back and i never knew we like each other so much that we would definitely feel for ourselves...

I was crying like the way i used to (with the same gasps for breath) when my grandpa used to leave me whenever he comes for the annual leave or during those few occasions. The long days we would spend time together. Roaming the street bazaars, introspecting and reflecting on each others thoughts, the advices he used to give, the foolishly ruthless stare he used to cast upon me to show his reprobation on my fallacious deeds, and how I’d neutralize him by striking the flesh under his ear and watch it dance back and forth and at times climb on his back to rock his bald head... The nights i used to sleep embracing him feeling his heart beat on the wet towel he daily used to sleep with on the floor. 

I kinda remember all that now... The kind of eerie feeling that I get when he leaves me alone (though with my parents)... No one would be so important to me... I had not talked sense to anyone at times even for a week or more until his letters come. There are days he left without uttering a word to me when I’m out to school, ground or asleep fearing I’d make a scene and equally tough for him to leave with a heavy heart. Such is the bonding we shared.

I got all of that back after so many years now... I did not even felt this way when I left to Chennai for work from my home. I decidedly wanted to stay alone with friends than the host of relatives who are even nearby to my workplace and ofcourse did welcome me (though some hesitantly and some for the sake of....) I always wanted to make new friends. My dad though was so hesitant later approved when he saw me i got a few of them who joined along with me.

It was outright fun from start. We had no restrictions, no boundaries, no one to complain, no one to grumble, scolder, reprimand or even to appreciate and feel good for. We were four of us. Vijay, Sundar, Murali and myself. The first one left a bit early (after 2yrs) the next a bit less than a year ago and the third one today. 

This post is mainly dedicated to the one that stood with me till the last. To tell him how I actually felt though I may not actually say it. This is what I felt from inside though i never voiced out my emotions. I did not wanted him to leave with heavy heart like me and mainly because afterall how long would he be able to stay with me. Perhaps this is why they insist one should get married. It makes a bit sense now that when you are alone you need someone atleast to talk to. Parents cannot last that long in your journey of life. But let me reiterate that I can live with this for after all I’ve been living lonely for years without my dearly one...

I just wanted to document our journey together in life. The few years we spent together had really taught me what friendship really is and what it really isn't

Murali and I had shared so much for so long that we even know what to eat and where... We talk so much about so many things... Him a movie maniac who turned out to be a scientist. And me a self-proclaimed maniac turned moron so retarded that i can only keep saying everything suffixing back then during the days of.....

I mean we both are so different personalities with different character, ambitions, mindset and everything barring a few. He an avid listener of music across all genres the only one who withstood my tortures in the name of classical music. Inquisitive, humble, simplistic and self-opined though he asks a host of questions about each and everything, i guess he has this power of remembrance that he could even recognize the patterns in persons, the day everything had happened and if it was cloudy on that day.

We have argued so much about so many things all these days... I never felt i'd rather be this emotional when he leave.. 

Its actually a misery that me being the last one left to lurch on this godforsaken doom that frustrates me. I look around.. the TV which we all bought together(Though i oddly watched it except for those IPL matches my pals enjoyed it the most which is why they vetoed me when was fighting lonely amongst the maniacs letting out a feeble cry to buy something useful). The room we spent our night talking along incessantly for hours at times even till 2am (Certainly guys we are not gays). The shelf that is empty which used to be so tidy below mine which would be so awkward and full of rubbish. The PC that we so avidly used to watch movies search about anything vagabonding from one to other as mind goes by. 

I guess we had spent so much time together in a few years than my home. Never been so attached to being in a surrounding for so long. But i now kind of feel like it has all gone away in a flash. I never realized that this is coming. Not even all these days he told me that he had to leave. But the moment he left from here i got that feeling (DéjàVu). The heaviness in my heart that I’m alone at the home where we spent all these unfruitful days of mine together. 

I took him home one day where my mom had complained about my reclusive behavior. He tried to negate that by saying how i actually feel. Since then my parents used to tell me that 'he aint a gud boy.. don’t stay with him'. I can now tell them he is no longer with me and that your gud boy will stay unadulterated.

It all started the day we both had signed the agreement papers with our house owners. It is quite evident that we took the initiative... Quite natural for our character. We both had signed the bond while other two stood witness to it. Since then we used to call ourselves as House Owners... Wonder if the term still means anything. I still remember him only as HO. The term we used to bully the other room-mates as the counter plans they made were pathetically flawed.

I guess I should find it now.. Search it somewhere... (We lost it the same month). It is the symbol of the friendship. I regard that as the agreement that actually bonded us together. It may seem like an odd possibility but in fact it really is.....

Well I’d better finish it here than to get emotional again... 

I never thought I’d be so childish in expecting people to be with forever. It took some time for me to come to terms since my grandpa had left I guess this should take much lesser than that. But I think its good to let some hurt come in so that you would atleast try to end the prolonged procrastination and would search for life that is so vibrant, energetic, challenging, fortunate and equally fruitful.

Life is a journey, and we are not-so-tempestuous travelers of time who met on a juncture\causeway and happened to tread along for years together. The day has come that we are at cross-roads and we had to take the bend to walk through the pathway of life, not knowing what lies ahead. Destiny is never a choice for people who pass-by. We might meet again on another bend for the world is round and even if not I wish him all the best on all the walks of his life. And would like to reiterate few words from our favorite band the rascal flatts - My Wish....

"My wish for you

Is that this life becomes all that you want it to

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small

You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to

I hope you know somebody loves you

And wants the same things too

Yeah, this is my wish"

Wish him best of luck on his love to succeed as well... Cheers Mate....

LINKS OF TINTIN EBOOKS ...

 Tintin in Soviet Russia (1929–1930) - b/w

 Tintin in Congo (1930–1931) -b/w

 Tintin in America (1931–1932)

 Cigars of the Pharaoh (1932–1934)

 The Blue lotus (1934–1935)

 The Broken Ear (1935–1937)

 The Black Island (1937–1938)

 King Ottokars Sceptre (1938–1939)

 The Crab with the Golden Claws (1940–1941)

 The Shooting Star (1941–1942)

 The Secret of the Unicorn (1942–1943)

 RedRackhams Treasure (1943–1944)

 The Seven Crystal Balls (1943–1948)

 Prisoners of the Sun (1946–1949)

 Land of Black Gold (1948–1950)

 Destination Moon (1950–1953)

 Explorers on the Moon (1950–1954)

 The Calculus Affairs (1954–1956)

 The Red Sea Sharks (1958)

 Tintin In Tibet (1960)

 The Castafiore Emerald (1963)

 Flight 714 (1968)

 Tintin and the Picaros (1976)

 Tintin and the Alphart (1986)

Bucket Sandhi

Sorry for the caste specific post. This is something i just wanted to tell ya all.... Im sure no one would feel offended with this. If you find it boring, pl. ignore...

Hey guyz.. 

I know i ain't supposed to b here preaching malice... But just being curious to know if there are others doing bucket sandhi as well...

While I very much wanted to do the Sandhi everyday, the inability of mine added with unavailability of time had forced me to frustration as i found it hard to cope with my otherwise pandemonistic and lazy lifestyle.

Which is when the inventor in me thought about finding a new alternative... 

With credit to my TRIZ skill i found it very convenient to alter the traditional method of doing it in the banks of the river. (there used to be river running around every city, coroporation, village and harmitages those days) which is why brahmins those days were doing it while taking bath.

I was like why not we do it while bathing too... That is when it all started 'The Bucket Sandhi'.... I've been doing it for years now.. I donno if it really violates any of the sacred verses that we insipidly recite day and again. To which i think I do not hold any curses for culpable damage to...

On the other hand i do it seriously without hesistance of any kind twice a day (madhyaniham - never tried that..). I've been doing it for almost 5 yrs now...

Well to those perfectionists pl ignore me as yet another anomalies.... To those fellow Bucket Sandhi performers... Cheerz guyz.....

It's an empty vessel

A story i got from one of those forwards...

 

It’s an empty vessel

A young farmer was covered with sweat as he paddled his boat up the river. He was going upstream to deliver his produce to the village and he was in a hurry. It was a hot day and he wanted to make his delivery and get home before dark. As he looked ahead, he spotted another vessel, heading rapidly downstream towards his boat. It was coming at a good pace too. This farmer rowed furiously to get out of the way, but it did not seem to help.

He yelled at the other vessel, “Change direction, you idiot! You are going to hit me. The river is wide. Change your course". His screaming was of no use. The other vessel hit his boat with a big loud thud. He was enraged as he stood up and cried out to the other vessel. “Stupid! How could you manage to hit my boat in the middle of this wide river? What is wrong with you? "

And as he looked at the other vessel he realized that there was no one in the other boat. He was screaming at an empty vessel that had broken free of its moorings and was going downstream with the current.

The lesson is very simple.

There is never anyone in the other boat.

When we are angry we are screaming at an empty vessel.

All of us know people who drive us crazy, whom we hate to the core with passion. We may have spent countless hours reliving the moments when this person was unfair, unappreciative or inconsiderate to us. Even remembering this person pumps up our blood pressure.

The best way of dealing with people like this is to not let them make us angry. Getting angry doesn’t help in improving the situation and life is too short to waste on feeling bad or staying with grudges.

Next time when there is a surge of anger in you, just remember this.

There is never anyone in the other boat. It’s an empty vessel always

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Is Baar Nahin - Not Anymore

Below is a wonderful poem written by Prasoon Joshi on account of the 26\11 attacks. After an year these words still resound through every walls and every streets of the mumbaikars....

No... No... Lets just dont divide ourselves for the thakrey's barbarious desciples and takers of his rubbish philosophies wont bear a word as if the term mumbaikar is theirs alone...

Whatever... Here it goes... I'll also get u the transilated text for you guyz.. I guess i've found it in some blog if so shall post the link in the comments.. do watch out....

Is Baar Nahin - Not Anymore

Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi mere

paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi

Main use phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga

Panpaney doonga uski tees ko

Is baar nahin

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga

Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale

Dard ko risney doonga' utarney doonga andar gehrey

Is baar nahin

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga

Na hi uthaoonga ruee ke phohey

Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankhein band karlo,

gardan udhar kar lo main dawa lagata hoon

Dikhney doonga sabko, hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav

Is baar nahin

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga, chatpatahat dekhoonga

Nahin daudoonga uljhee dor lapetney

Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake

Is baar nahin

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar

Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat

Nahin banaoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki

Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par

Utarney doonga usey keechad main,

tedhey medhey raston pe

Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon

Halka nahin padneydoonga uska rang

Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar

ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye

Is baar nahin

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai

Gaur se thoda lambe wakt tak

Kuch faisley

Aur uskey baad hausley

kahin toh shuruat karni hee hogi

Is baar yahi tay kiya hai...

[PRASOON JOSHI]

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Distrust - Broken Hearts...

Sometimes people close to your heart are so unreasonable that you tend to doubt the basic trust which you have on them, for so many many years...

Whose fault is it ?

What do we do ??

Just brush aside and console yourself that the world is becoming one hard place to live ???

Don't trust anyone ????

The only person to trust is yourself ?????

What is the point in living, when we aren't going to trust anyone ??????

 

I don't have an answer yet.... Hopefully life will teach me soon!!!

Trust is hard earned.

Trust earned can be lost in a moment by a small mistake.

Trust lost is hard to rebuild.

Don't make false promises !!

Keep up your words!!

Be reasonable!!

Be True... Atleast to yourself !!!

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Hope.... The Elixir Of Life

Just wrote this today morning. I guess it sounds a bit hopeful.

Hope - The Elixir of Life....

Just one of the days Im feeling low
Not knowing what else i do not know
Seems im straying away as i had lost track of my life
Besieged by ire, haplessness, sloth, dissent and strife

When evey hope I carried seems to fade away,
The roads i've tread seems so far away
While everything thatz me is totally retarded
And all your distant dreams have fatally departed

I kept staring at the dark and infinite sky
Asking the glimmering stars as to why ?
Why was I not the chosen one ??
Why should I die as yet another one ???

Why isn't truth always the triumphant one ?
Why is this life so mean and nasty than fun ??
Is it so that the happiness is a perception of life
I guess its a deception thatz so shoddy & naive

Yet therez something in me that cries so foul,
And says dreams cannot die, be doomed to furl.
They transform and haunt you for all your days
Till you come to terms with your ways but never frays.

For they are the elixir of every lives in the world
full of hopes like those stories as a kid you were told.
The Beauty of life that I can now see
For i guess i've got new wings up to flee

Dreams so many that have sprung like a tree
The fight is on for I must to be free
I shall not give up for i stand reformed
From dreams to reality Now i hope to be transformed

Remember Hope is what that springs into life
and makes it a journey so exciting to ride
Worry not for you have miles to go before you sleep
For there is no time to whine and weep.

N on Track !!!!

Phew !!! What an eventful week it was...

I literally had no time to look behind.. have been sleeping hardly enough (4hrs a day). I have never felt so far in my life that 24 hrs. a day isn't enough at all... Not even during the examination days. Guess if one had to work like this he'll die of chronic failures of all of his senses one after another. However the days were interesting as well with loads of activities, lots of planning and lots more of work.

Guess the coming week would be much more eventful as well if not the same as we get closer to the deadline but the thing is that its not us but the target that is closing-in on us. Whatever it is, this week will answer us all that are we really the ones who could do things.

Just to give you all a glimpse of what is it that we are upto, i'd borrow our top man's description of what we really are upto.

"You ppl are in a 20-20 cricket match in which you'll have to strike 22+12 runs in the last over. But its just that the match has already been over a month ago and you ppl are still swaying your bats saying that you'll accomplish things, come what may...."

Well it just gives you guyz a glimpse of sheer enormity of the task-at hand, we've been asked to give it a try even if it means that the match has already over. Afterall the match has to be played for someone to win !!! And the last over still had to be bowled if it has to be over !!!...

I guess that is where we stand now... After a week of having been assigned within to accomplish come what may, though we all have the apprehensions that how could this be done after all ?? we've decided to steer through to see if we could make a difference... A difference to the world out there, to ourselves and for no one else.... For i believe life is not about standing safe and watching things but is all about getting hurt a million times and then at the end you'd only say Wow... What a ride !!!

But what would obviously hurt at the end is that all these will eventually be credited to those select few who have been groomed to be like whatever they are. 

That apart i guess we are gaining some momentum. Seriously... I guess we are keeping up the run-rate. If only we could manage the same and could step up a few time at the later days of the week, i guess we'd have done justice to ourselves and to the organization. I was very much thrilled and excited at the excitement this has given us whether the other are enjoying or not. 

Something in me tells me strongly that we have finally arrived... and i hope i could still motivate all my fellow warriors to stay put and fight bravely to win it for ourselves...

I can see the gush of optimism that is now flowing within ourselves. If only we do things like these we'd realize our true ability. May our will's win this for us.

Welcome to every day of my life.....

The End Game Begins !!!

Looks like im upto a wild goose chase these days, while i've been crying about the vile deeds of ppl all these days without realizing the fact that im doing nothing to do to be change the change i wish to see. Now it all has come to a standstill as i've been roped in literally from nowhere to accept the challenge and im very much excited except for the fact that the task that has been given is comparable to nothing less than to move a mountain with the teaspoon.

I had to agree for the fact that i could've intervened to conspire to move it a stone a day months before. While i could afford to comfortably blame the top echlons and their buddies buttressing them, i'd also like to think this as my failiure to change things, while the reason could've been many i still had been watching this all the while drifting away. I realize i must've been very selfish all the while. Neglecting as if these aren't my job and even if had to intervene i was constantly demotivated with all the words that they had used to describe my performance last year. But I shouldn't have let this happen though this was not at all in my purview.

Had a hour long brawl with the VGP man after having written him a looong mail accusing him of whatever i felt he did. But had felt very much remorseful later as i thought i was barking up the wrong tree and i was a overacting a bit harsh aloft emotially. Also that there is very little he could do to change himself and that i had been quite and let things happen this way all these years and that this has come to this stage.

Coming back to the challenge, we've been consistently failing as a team and i dont want to blame anyone for that. When we fail collectively as a team we should take the blame all by ourselves though its only few of us who have been tagged with  responsibilities and we've lost track of the target looong ago. But now this had come back so strong to haunt us.

While we were almost certain that we'll slip from our committment for another time, our VGP man has been asked to lie low and reigns have been shifted (or rather withdrawn) by the top man and he want to steer the ship as we were still searching for the target. Just when the target seems nowhere at sign, we've been asked to steer in full throttle with a new navigator and all of us have been assigned with new (rather) roles and we had to hit the ground in less than 10days. Which although seems impossible, i though why not ??

While the Top man only tries to conjure\ season us for the uphill task with all his superfluous elating words i was thinking why shouldn't i buy these... Why shouldn't i take some motivation from his words for afterall this is what we've been lacking all the while, and especiall when the organization need you to fire and its that only you could help why should you be shying away. I've decided to grab the challenge with both my hands. Hope this entails in rebuilding the lost me.

I hope that i'll motivate others more than i've been motivated. Hoping things would fall in place somehow though all that we've  planned have been falling apart. I wish to put up a brave fight without wanting to loose the war. I'd like to fight with all my spirits and the few men we have to battle it out the hard way. Lets hope to win !!! though i guess the end game has already begun...

Shall update all you guyz before the end of the month which is when the climax is most likely to occur. Sorry for musing on my work part again.... its been the most happening part of my life these days. Will come back soon.

Betrayal - Yet again...

I guess i've been prudent enough all these years not to divulge too much into what i do for a living (work life). But whenever i think of posting something these days the first thing that comes over my is that. I feel so compelling to let my readers (if there is someone out there who really reads my musings) know of what am I going through. The prime reason for which is that it is 'THE' most Happening part in my life these days. I guess there's nothing more worth a word happening otherwise as the thought of which engulf's me to ruin all my day.

 

It pretty hard when you wake-up everyday in the morning and the first thing that comes to your mind is this and it takes a while to realize that you just aren't living a bad dream but a grave reality.. It pains for the entire day only to start all-over again the other. It never seem to recede.  Not even in miniscule proportions and branches out in every fragments of your life.

 

I know i might sound all the more same in my last few posts. But still this is what Im going through. A passing cloud may be or a permanent storm as the case  may well be. There is not an ioata of doubt in me that i'll see through these rough patches (treacherous) but the fact is that i ain't enjoying it no more like i usually do. Probably because of the sheer magnitude of treason and betrayal that it radiates. It hurts and it hurts where it'll pain the most and that makes it
much harder to digest.

 

well enough rambling around i think its better I get straight to the point for I think you guys deserve more to know the reason, the cause of all these anomalies (or common for me to some degree) mainly because i value you all for enduring so much to read all the crap and darn musing i've spitted out every while. I guess you guys mean much to me... More than my boss (umpteen number of times)

 

It all started with the annual appraisal scheme thate we have like any other corporate. I was rated as one of the lowest performer this year (neither i was recognized as the otherwise till now. But that the thing of the past) Though i guess most of the ppl agree that i had indeed done a commendable job if not  a spectacular (atleast to me) i indeed had a preconcieved notion in my mind that i'd be beaten this year around too but what came as a shocker is this. How can you be so damned for whatever gook work you do amid all the demotivating ambience. I still  gasped hard to surf through the wild storm but never realized that its only getting bigger day after another.....

 

God knows where this trail lead me to....

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~~~ My métier no more ~~~

The quick 3 minute ride in the elevator to the basement from the 94th storey paled in comparison to the arduous climb floor by floor – stair by stair he made to reach the place he called home for the past four years or possibly more than he could remember. He had a whole new world waiting for him, new horizons to explore, new trails to leave behind, lots of apprehensions and a whole lot of excitement, but he wasn’t on the 94th floor no more and it felt unfamilar.

I feel like that guy now as I try to stay afloat in a deluge of nostalgia I am besieged by. It was a passionate journey with fervent enthusiasm paving the way to where I felt I had found my true métier. The association may have been sudden but I asseverate I sure woolgathered long and hard about it . Each time I debated as a student upholding its monopolistic ways, each time I glanced at its founder’s signature on a xanthous piece of paper carefully tucked away in my wallet, each time I powered on my window to the world, I wanted to see myself inside it with a seething desire to be a spoke in the wheel that drove the entire industry. I can still smell the stench of accomplishment emanating from every pore of my skin when I knew I was finally there, to stay, the very first time, raring to take on my fraternity and come out a proud man.

The charm and the zest, however, dwindled with time as the ennui of work began to set in but it sure was an eventful ride, One that showed me the prejudiced and mediocre minds full of vanity and pretence and the one that left me with bragging rights of having influenced, even if in miniscule proportions, a huge portion of humanity.

I dont particularly like the eeriness of the defeat. The muteness and the humility that comes with it. I had always wanted to associate myself with the ruthlessness of victory and haughtiness of it. And still remaining humble is what is iam to me. But things aren’t the same since i embarked on my endeavour for a wild goose chase.

I feel like Iam off the wagon now and for the good, (though i still scuff along down to peril) pursuing something else which over time has become the fancy of my imagination but as I look back I feel strange realizing that I am yet to find my true métier after all.

PS: I seriously wanted to post something cheerful from the brighter days of my life back then. But can’t help with as the situations are getting worser ever day for me. Do stick with me pals for i need you all the most now which gives the strength to fight and lead the rebellion. I shall see the light of the day someday or other.

Oblivion - Endless Road Of Misery

It has been long since i posted my verses... Hoping would post some more... Hopefully from the brighter part of my life unlike this one.... So stay put guyz...

 

 

The Endless Road Of Misery

 

Standing all by myself as i gaze at the sky
Along the bay watching those ships steer by
Marching towards their destiny they cruise
I was Trying to make sense to my life since it all went aloof

 

I Stood there starting the at faces that cross me by
Watching my entire life just passing me by
Too scared to leave, too frightened to stay
Wondering how do I get through one more cloudy day

 

This is not at all the life I had planned
Mapped out with directions, compass in hand
Instead I am on the road to oblivion
Miserable inside, yet I go on pretending i'll move on

 

I've been entangled in this void since the day you have gone
Time and again misery keeps following me on
Trying to realize where it all had gone wrong
Who was I once and what I have become

 

amidst the shimmering life, I've been fighting myself on
Trapped in the past for too long
With diminishing hopes as days pass on
Wondering if i'll find a way back into life

 

This book of sorrow is stuck in a page
No matter how hard I run, Im still gasping for breath in the same cage
Sometimes it seems as eons have passed me by
Waiting like a lonely moon and crying within the infinite sky

 

Emptiness wonders how much more can I take
Not knowing what lies ahead  more mistakes to make
But through it all I still keep walking on
Following me, the Darkness still keeps stalking on

 

Chasing the shadow of mine
I still keep walking on this endless road of misery
Loneliness ahead, emptiness behind
wondering how long can I go on?

 

- Chuppandi

 

Independent India - Musings on the IDay 63

Every August, it will be Independence Day just like it was since the day it all began way back in 47 which many of us would've never seen.... The entire nation will wear a festive look. The tri-colour will flutter on the buildings and roads. The media will recapitulate the events of the freedom struggle. Political leaders will display their oratorical prowess from public platforms listing out their achievements and calling upon the masses to be vigilant in guarding the country's sovereignty against external aggression. As usual, they will dish out more promises to work for the uplift of the downtrodden and poor and ensuring equal rights and opportunities to one and all as enshrined in the Constitution.

As we all would know, ours is a predominantly agricultural country. You like him or not, Mahatma Gandhi had said, "the heart of India lies in its villages". The majority of our population lives in villages. Even after 62 years of Independence, most of them live below the poverty line and are socially oppressed. Though we have made impressive and spectacular strides in various fields like science and technology, education and industries, Its imperarative that the benefits have not reached the common man (Aam Aadmi) . Basic needs such as drinking water, electricity and shelter are still a distant dream for many. We should look deeper inside within so as to develop our outlook. There are lots more to be done at the grassroot level. Developing the villages (gaav's) should be our topmost priority for us to move forward to reach the status of the superpower. Rather we are making deals and working with cities just to make them more glamorous and attractive towards the FDI's and VC's. Unless we develop our basic infra nothing gonna change even if things seems so won't last for years and aren't worth to take us to the level we all aspire of.

Our economic order has been liberalised and has drifted away from nationalisation to globalisation even still we stayed a bit conservative which almost saw us through these recession thing thatz rocking the world these days. Our foreign policies have always stayed introversive. But still oflate we've managed to pull of deals with other G8's to collaborate on all front to advance in Science, Technology, Industries, Textile, Engineering, Sports and even Literary & Arts. We have leaders in every front but still we lack the professional approach and the lack of proper stystem to groom the future aspirants still haunts and its not just the UID's thatz gonna help us in our way forward we need a inspiring vision with palpable action.

Our political system has become corrupt to a degree none of us can imagine. Our Politicians are totally engrossed in driving wedges between communities, religion, castes and what not to gain political mileage and strengthen their vote banks. Even the face of terror proved futile in bringing us together. Parliaments are full of dogfights without consensus on any issues. We are left fighting selfishly on every issues of national importance.

I wish every Independence Day there should be a time for political introspection by India’s political leaders and its polity as to whether they have been able to deliver on the political promises made by them to the people of India. It is also the time for personal introspection by India’s political leaders in that whether they themselves personally have contributed to the strengthening of the ‘moral fabric’ of India in terms of setting exemplary standards of political probity, honesty and integrity and also ensuring that their political flock does likewise.

Independence Day had come and went like every year but has left in its wake the troubling thought as to whether India really has ‘dignified political leaders’ or they all have juggled the spelling of ‘leaders’ and ended up as ‘political dealers’ devoid of political morality and conscience. Especially the country's current state of affairs seriously demands a reality check on everyone of us and the country as a whole. It is true that we have lots of things to boast off over the last year but its equally eventful in terms of adversities and mishaps. I would not like to dwell too much on any of the issues as it would only evoke grave criticism.

I've not been wonderstruck at the electrifying spectacle of the English parting us at the stroke of the midnight when Nehru delivered his landmark speech 'Tryst with destiny. Iam still wondering as to why India’s politicians who succeed them and those who head them can no longer recreate those electrifying moments on every passing Independence Day. The answer is obvious as there are no political leaders left of the genre of India’s freedom movement. India today has been left with ‘political pygmies’ whose sole political activity is focused not on nation-building but on devising political tricks to capture power and survive in power at any cost.

How does one term the sordid spectacle that India’s polity put on display (on the event of last elections) for the citizens who voted them to power hoping that somehow even if they were ‘not fit to lead’ they would ‘at least provide honest governance’? Will their hopes be realised or will their needs be ever fulfilled. Defenitely not as it seems so in the due course. But will this pain ever abate is left to be seen.

The Worst of all was as to how the Indian Muslim communal card was being played by the so called secular parties. In the Parliament debate where India’s national issues should have been in the forefront and especially those really connected with the trust vote in terms of honest governance no effort was spared to dramatize the Congress Party’s so called secular credentials by lionizing the speeches of Indian Muslim Members of Parliament singing praises of the Congress

Few obvious questions arise from this sordid display of low political morality. The first is whether the Congress President and the Congress Prime Minister can absolve themselves from all that happened inside and outside the Parliament last year in terms of political wheeling and dealing. Secondly, both of them should be asking themselves whether all their wheeling and dealing was politically worth it keeping in mind that they are indeed debasing further the state of political affairs in the country which is already facing a severe lack of moral credentials upon which they are built upon. They somehow had lost their ultimate goal and are fighting only for their survival and in-turn their loyals to stay in power.

The answer however to many of such questions is a resounding ‘no’. If it is their contention that by winning a trust vote or just by signing a deal with US or showing their great indifference to any of the burning issues and still boasting off their resounding win by politically and morally questionable methods has raised India’s stock in the international arena then they are deluding themselves. They have only belittled themselves and in-turn had left us in a hapless state.

Finally, the people of India themselves are to blame for facilitating the rise of a motley group of unprincipled political midgets to power by an apathetic indifference to India’s political affairs and India’s political governance. This particularly applies to India’s rising middle class like me.There had been several calls over these years that stressed on the imperatives of India’s middle class politically empowering themselves to break the stranglehold of India’s captive vote-banks on India’s electoral arithmetic

Having said all these i believe the country is at the crossroads. Its for them to take a call (timely call) on framing the path ahead and rise to the call of duty beyond all issues and adversities. I wish the current leaders would focus on taking the country in the right direction and bring about development, prosperity and peace. May thins IDay be just another beginning of a new India... Truly Independent India

There is Light at the end of the tunnel...

never been this awful a speaker in my life....

No.. No... wait... this isn't just another musing about how deplorable a state im in these days,to the contrary this is about how i just overcame one of those impedes which gave me a bit of confidence that i too shall see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Needless to say how pathetic a state am i in overall. But just one of those components of it is my talking. I've been talking mindlessly over everything. I've even beento meetings where i've uttered statements without knowing what i meant and presumably my words absolutely meant nothing. it made absolute indifference of either my words neither my presence.

I wasn't this bad afterall for i had a good vocabulary to choose words from within, had taken several seminars and took a few concept lectures for my juniors and even for M.Tech's, I've done a few papers and did my own project presentations including those hectic review meetingswhere ppl will shoot point-blank questions only about why i've not done those things and about how wrong a path im in. I took them all in their stride, i managed my life pretty well those days. Never been frustrated and was always cool when it matters most esp. those intense presentations and question hours. There were some significant comments even from my guides about how jocular i am when i took those seminars. I've always enjoyed interactions. But days have rolled now.... I guess its enough boasting off and now where where were I ???

It was one of those presentations where-in I had to present something (a work we did in our dept.) with few big ppls (they claim so !!) around. I had a lot of points to make and few chords to strike at the right time.As usual I fainted and blabbered incessantly as my words meant nothing even to me and feeling which i scrambled to safe mode and managed to salvage few bits of those messes i left and in process forgot all those points i had in mind, which in-turn evidently resulted as questions which neither me nor my boss enjoyed as it'd raise unwarranted fingers at ppl's ability and so forth which are applicable to every corporates as if a norm.

And then stood my boss who handled things from there and took it in his shoulders to shoo away them all which he did pretty well. I felt ashamed of having done more than few bits of work, i failed to make an impact. And thatis what counts out here the place where i work.

That night i repented for what i did (But can't help myself), was angry at myself and was equally quizeed as to why have i become so deterred, so weak now,and most importantly so soon. It was evident by then that i am running low on confidence. I wasn't feeling that positive enough and those ruthlessspirit, confidence and hope i had carried had faded away considerably. Iam not sure at myself these days. But the worst part is i could hardly do anything about it now.

The very next day called my boss to tell me how unhappy he was (he never used to tell that even though i flopped and always fell short of his yardstick, he'd only talk about the positives).But that was a very different person i was speaking to. Actually i was happy that somone is pointing my mistakes and to which i meekly listened. He was telling how bad i sounded when i actually stood there stumbling for words. And told me that the problem wasn't my language or fear (coz i never had feard ppl in ranks. I always speak of what i think explicitly irrespective of their position). But it was indeed my thinking which has to be changed, he said.
To which i returned null. For a moment I had though he must've been to one of those inspirational management Programmes or to those lectures about how to motivate others et al. But thankfully he made sense. He knew exacly what was the problem with me (My talking).

He said "you are always thinking about the points you wanted to make and are waiting for that time and in-turn failing to say what has to be said until then. And thinking about the next sentence everytime you are always failing to say what has to be said now." WHich sounded a bitnormal advice and those typecast advice given by the experts but when thought upon made much sense and to my surprise, alas! i've found answer to one of myumteen questions.

It took me a while as I began my course correction measures. I started from thinking where did i get this habit from and found out that i was actually learning those times to play guitar and was having trouble following the notes in which always i had to see the notes ahead and how should i changemy fingers subsequently but should play what is on the present time also following the beats. I struggled really hard to cope up with all these and in-turn had been thinking about what i had to say next even when i speak. This really took some time to sink-in.

But i think im really able to manage things better now. Had a important meeting with few ppl last week (non-official and non-personal... no raising of eyebrows, it ends here...) i was really thankful to my boss for the first time since i met him for really giving me a reformativefeedback for the first time. And if only he could give reasons\feedbacks for all the scrutinizing he did or for what he did for me so for i could've changed myself to cope with what was really expected of me. (Seriously, I still do not know... and is worth an introspection)

That being said, this was really helpful for me as a person and to groom myself for the so called professional life. And most importantly gave me a bit of confidence to believe that i too could see some light and have helped me in keeping my hope alive. Thanks to him for I couldn'ttell this directly to him which would mean the otherwise (especially this month :)... Never mind im confident and have no big expectations for i know what is it that counts in this part of the world..)