Monday, May 21, 2012
How many times did I posted starting with 'I just wish'?? not sure but am certain of some good numbers though.
Don’t you just wish that someway somehow we all have just a sliver of control of the outcome of our own life??
That even though God is in control, that maybe, just maybe, that certain something happens that can control the falling dominos seemingly in an ordered disarray due in part to something you did, wished, or prayed??
‘Life’ can definitely throw some curve balls once in a while, and when it does it’s so weird how it “puts you back in place”, almost as if it’s a medicinal humbling pill.
I’ve experienced it way too many times. I call it’s God’s test of perseverance. Others call it life. But regardless it feels the same for both. Humbling, contrite, and sorrow for the soul and with a HOPE full of vivid optimism and gushing spirits.
So here we are again…
Yes.. I was in a kind of state of pause. I’ve been here loong time before. A month or two between posts and so much has gone unwritten. I fast forward to now and I will be adding a few from the back burner soon, that I had kept for so looong. Obviously wondering if it ever matters to anyone but there are lot many things to be told, more views to be shared. So Gear for another round of the roller coaster ride that my life is as the clueless, hapless soul in me trying to comprehend what have I build with my erector set and where this run-away train is leading me.
It isn’t exactly describable,… that being how I feel. I can only say that days go really, really fast and my mind is not the same anymore. I try to ignore it and sometimes it helps, but in many other ways it makes the things only go worse.
Tonight I try again. I’ve told myself this for the last 12 odd (though numerically even) weeks, and it’s really getting tiring. Not sure why it would change now. I’ve been asking almighty for plenty of help.
It has been really hot this week not a pleasant time of the year to be in. Wonder how we had spent those year-end annual holidays playing all along under the scorching sun. May be time makes you so weak that you live the days of agony wondering if those days would ever come again.
The sudden surge of happenings since a while had me perturbed and left me gasping for breath (Why is it so ??, not that I know !!!). It’s not that I’m up to a race to the Mt. Everest. It’s just that I had been so institutionalized within my surroundings for a while. Now that things are beginning to change it seems life has started to knock me off my balance. I ain’t afraid of it as I hope that it could at least help in stirring the dormant underdog in me.
|The thinking or rather Musing Monkey|
And obviously life is now taking me to those turns I never knew existed or rather paid attention to all the while. Its like things have gone so much into auto-cruise mode. I no longer have any control of the happenings these days. Not that I had it steered all the while the way I wanted but still it was comforting that I can have the control whenever I wanted to. Well, hoping this might well take me to the avenues that I never were and could somehow make truce with it to steer towards a common destiny.
Destiny eh ?? I wonder where it really is now. May be I have to find the lost ones dusting off from my old thoughts deep down my mind. Sure thing that most of them would've become all so meaningless like those insignificant entities trying to make something out of themselves. To sound hopeful, this puts me into some kind of better situation that I can mend myself in ways I can and have some accountability towards my destiny for its not just me no more.. For in pursuit I only worry about the piteous unfortunate one hoping to transpire its own destiny while its already destined to be doomed.