Thursday, September 10, 2009

Betrayal - Yet again...

I guess i've been prudent enough all these years not to divulge too much into what i do for a living (work life). But whenever i think of posting something these days the first thing that comes over my is that. I feel so compelling to let my readers (if there is someone out there who really reads my musings) know of what am I going through. The prime reason for which is that it is 'THE' most Happening part in my life these days. I guess there's nothing more worth a word happening otherwise as the thought of which engulf's me to ruin all my day.
It pretty hard when you wake-up everyday in the morning and the first thing that comes to your mind is this and it takes a while to realize that you just aren't living a bad dream but a grave reality.. It pains for the entire day only to start all-over again the other. It never seem to recede.  Not even in miniscule proportions and branches out in every fragments of your life.
I know i might sound all the more same in my last few posts. But still this is what Im going through. A passing cloud may be or a permanent storm as the case  may well be. There is not an ioata of doubt in me that i'll see through these rough patches (treacherous) but the fact is that i ain't enjoying it no more like i usually do. Probably because of the sheer magnitude of treason and betrayal that it radiates. It hurts and it hurts where it'll pain the most and that makes it
much harder to digest.
well enough rambling around i think its better I get straight to the point for I think you guys deserve more to know the reason, the cause of all these anomalies (or common for me to some degree) mainly because i value you all for enduring so much to read all the crap and darn musing i've spitted out every while. I guess you guys mean much to me... More than my boss (umpteen number of times)
It all started with the annual appraisal scheme thate we have like any other corporate. I was rated as one of the lowest performer this year (neither i was recognized as the otherwise till now. But that the thing of the past) Though i guess most of the ppl agree that i had indeed done a commendable job if not  a spectacular (atleast to me) i indeed had a preconcieved notion in my mind that i'd be beaten this year around too but what came as a shocker is this. How can you be so damned for whatever gook work you do amid all the demotivating ambience. I still  gasped hard to surf through the wild storm but never realized that its only getting bigger day after another.....
God knows where this trail lead me to....

Sunday, September 06, 2009

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

~~~ My métier no more ~~~

The quick 3 minute ride in the elevator to the basement from the 94th storey paled in comparison to the arduous climb floor by floor – stair by stair he made to reach the place he called home for the past four years or possibly more than he could remember. He had a whole new world waiting for him, new horizons to explore, new trails to leave behind, lots of apprehensions and a whole lot of excitement, but he wasn’t on the 94th floor no more and it felt unfamilar.

I feel like that guy now as I try to stay afloat in a deluge of nostalgia I am besieged by. It was a passionate journey with fervent enthusiasm paving the way to where I felt I had found my true métier. The association may have been sudden but I asseverate I sure woolgathered long and hard about it . Each time I debated as a student upholding its monopolistic ways, each time I glanced at its founder’s signature on a xanthous piece of paper carefully tucked away in my wallet, each time I powered on my window to the world, I wanted to see myself inside it with a seething desire to be a spoke in the wheel that drove the entire industry. I can still smell the stench of accomplishment emanating from every pore of my skin when I knew I was finally there, to stay, the very first time, raring to take on my fraternity and come out a proud man.

The charm and the zest, however, dwindled with time as the ennui of work began to set in but it sure was an eventful ride, One that showed me the prejudiced and mediocre minds full of vanity and pretence and the one that left me with bragging rights of having influenced, even if in miniscule proportions, a huge portion of humanity.

I dont particularly like the eeriness of the defeat. The muteness and the humility that comes with it. I had always wanted to associate myself with the ruthlessness of victory and haughtiness of it. And still remaining humble is what is iam to me. But things aren’t the same since i embarked on my endeavour for a wild goose chase.

I feel like Iam off the wagon now and for the good, (though i still scuff along down to peril) pursuing something else which over time has become the fancy of my imagination but as I look back I feel strange realizing that I am yet to find my true métier after all.

PS: I seriously wanted to post something cheerful from the brighter days of my life back then. But can’t help with as the situations are getting worser ever day for me. Do stick with me pals for i need you all the most now which gives the strength to fight and lead the rebellion. I shall see the light of the day someday or other.