Thursday, September 03, 2009

~~~ My métier no more ~~~

The quick 3 minute ride in the elevator to the basement from the 94th storey paled in comparison to the arduous climb floor by floor – stair by stair he made to reach the place he called home for the past four years or possibly more than he could remember. He had a whole new world waiting for him, new horizons to explore, new trails to leave behind, lots of apprehensions and a whole lot of excitement, but he wasn’t on the 94th floor no more and it felt unfamilar.

I feel like that guy now as I try to stay afloat in a deluge of nostalgia I am besieged by. It was a passionate journey with fervent enthusiasm paving the way to where I felt I had found my true métier. The association may have been sudden but I asseverate I sure woolgathered long and hard about it . Each time I debated as a student upholding its monopolistic ways, each time I glanced at its founder’s signature on a xanthous piece of paper carefully tucked away in my wallet, each time I powered on my window to the world, I wanted to see myself inside it with a seething desire to be a spoke in the wheel that drove the entire industry. I can still smell the stench of accomplishment emanating from every pore of my skin when I knew I was finally there, to stay, the very first time, raring to take on my fraternity and come out a proud man.

The charm and the zest, however, dwindled with time as the ennui of work began to set in but it sure was an eventful ride, One that showed me the prejudiced and mediocre minds full of vanity and pretence and the one that left me with bragging rights of having influenced, even if in miniscule proportions, a huge portion of humanity.

I dont particularly like the eeriness of the defeat. The muteness and the humility that comes with it. I had always wanted to associate myself with the ruthlessness of victory and haughtiness of it. And still remaining humble is what is iam to me. But things aren’t the same since i embarked on my endeavour for a wild goose chase.

I feel like Iam off the wagon now and for the good, (though i still scuff along down to peril) pursuing something else which over time has become the fancy of my imagination but as I look back I feel strange realizing that I am yet to find my true métier after all.

PS: I seriously wanted to post something cheerful from the brighter days of my life back then. But can’t help with as the situations are getting worser ever day for me. Do stick with me pals for i need you all the most now which gives the strength to fight and lead the rebellion. I shall see the light of the day someday or other.

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