Friday, May 04, 2007

Musings !! Im who im not !!!

To run from yourself, you need a lot of space; for the self has a strange knack of catching up with itself.

And so half way through our lives, we're panting, gasping for breath not knowing what we're running to or away from, thinking we're moving ahead when all we're doing is moving in circles after ourselves, behind ourselves.

I read this quote somewhere in blogsphere a few days ago and couldn't help but wonder at how the writer had so beautifully hit on the truth. Of how so many of the human kind are so ill at ease with themselves, not knowing what to do with the way they think and act and behave.

So they, and I, we put up a facade trying to be someone we are not, trying to fit in where we don't, even look the way we don't. Sometimes we break free from the shackles of stereotypes voluntarily and sometimes our facade gives way, exposing who we truly are - to ourselves and the world. Sometimes, we put up a front of fighting the stereotypes when we privately play along with them, believing in them. The bottom line is we're trying to be people we want to be and what we want to be isn't always what we are born to be.

How uncomfortable then you can get in your own skin as you struggle to make it fit this false you. And it keeps slipping away. Somehow, the happiest people are those who are fine being who they are and don't have to say 'Let Me Be Me' 'cause they are being them!PS: If this sounds like me philosophising, well, may be I am!

MySelf vs My Created Self

The end is the beginning?
Have I arrived or am I leaving...
The world is round they say,
Will I come back from where I'm embarking?
Is this an end or a beginning?

Im Back !!!

After a week loooong leave and a week loooong laziness, im back.....

An then comes the question what if i come back or not.... Neither im going to make any difference nor im going to get readers...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Ride to Oblivion - Vellore Drive 12-11-06

Who Am I

Brahmin tamil...

Hey guys check-out this article in wiki on Brahmin tamil... Hilarious isn't it..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braahmik#Braahmik_.2F_Lesson_1
--
With regards

Subbu... ( ur Chuppandi for ever )

Total Chaos

I am in one of my infamous rambling and grumbling moods tonite... Why is that my books have to be in my bookshelf and why not just strewn around in my living room? After all I live there. and why is that my office binny should be neat and spotless with everything arranged in their places? why is that my whiteboard should make sense to all and sundry? Am I not allowed to write my own crypts? What I whiteboard makes sense to me!!!Why should I always take the shortest route to my mailbox? Why not walk a new route every now and then? Why must I be organized when I can perfectly make sense out of the nonsense I create? And why must I work from 9am-5pm and not 9pm-5am when I am wide alert???

I love the chaos I create arnd me...books arnd me, my cds closeby, my papers scattered haphazardly - everything within a hand's reach. Yeah, I sometimes misplace my stuff but thats ok since I always manage to locate them. I have to endure lectures from all and sundry abt my so-called sloppiness and laziness and then help them locate their missing stuff!!!! If organized means they can find what they want when they want it, then I wonder why I am often called to help find things my 'organized' friends/family keep misplacing.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Fine Leg....


Some people argue that BCCI should break away from the ICC and fix major tournaments to ensure an Indian victory. Whereas you can treat that as a comment made in a lighter vein, it is hard to separate BCCI's rise to dominance of world over the past decade from India's own economic growth.

For one, the growth has been staggering. The beneficiaries in both cases have been few. In cricket, there is a huge gulf between earnings of players at the international level and domestic levels. And most of this growth hasn't really translated into changes in infrastructure.

Back when we were kids, the papers used to scream for structural changes in Indian cricket, based on the Australian model. Today, nothing has changed. Except that the BCCI can claim to be world's richest sporting body, surpassing footballing heavyweights like Juventus, Real Madrid and Manchester United.

Unlike in the case of these football clubs, India's dominance of the economics of cricket isn't because we are/were the best for any considerable period of time. As Chappell himself puts it, our cricketers haven't won any major tournament on foreign soil in over two decades. The rise to riches in Indian cricket is not because we were superior to any of the other cricket-playing nations. It is merely a reflection of our population, and an acknowledgement of its spending power.

As India rises to prominence among nations, especially in areas where the country can assert its burgeoning middle-class, it pays to wonder whether this sheer strength in numbers alone is enough to help us remain there. When will we realise that mere brute force bends? Our policymakers would do well to learn from our experiences on the cricket field

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Me and My World

Cant tell what you wont grasp
Cant show what you wont see
For my world is a notion to you
A Reality meant only for me


Bother not, if you fail to know
Worry not if I refuse to clarify
For my world lives in me
In me must It also die


If I appear insane, so be it
Its true, the way you know
I care less, for what you see
Who I am, I alone know

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Wandering Minds


Some days I felt guilty because of frequent mind-wandering at work, so I find following numbers are quite comforting:

Dr. Michael Kane, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, recently sampled the thoughts of students at eight random times a day for a week. He found that on average, they were not thinking about what they were doing 30% of the time.For some students it was between 80% and 90% of the time. Out of the 126 participants, only one denied any mind-wandering at the sampled moments. Prior work has also turned up average rates of 30% to 40% in everyday life.

It appears our mind are weired to wander. "Mind wandering is not objectively good or bad. It depends on the context in which it occurs", Dr. Kane said. Mind wandering may enable us to do multi-tasking and creative thinking. Life usually doesn't demand our full attention after all.

Minds and Matters

Small minds discuss people
Average minds discuss events
Great minds discuss ideas
Noble minds work in silence

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Yendaroo Mahaanubaavulu, Andariki Vandanamulu

One is losing a big piece of enjoyment in his life if he is not enjoying the intricacies of carnatic Music – Sujatha mentions in his latest katrathum pertrathum.

I am one of those unlucky person. I try to develop my listening to carnatic music but at somepoint of time i do lose out especially telugu kirtanais. But thanks to hundreds and hundreds of tamil kirtanais and pathigams. It save me and also raises my hope of getting a bit of those blisfull moments poeple get into while listening to or performing kutcheris.
I have got some decent collection of tamil kirtanais and my best of it is Oothukaadu Venkatasubbier songs by God’s own Maharajapuram santhanam. I think nobody can sing Thayae yesodha better than him. Also i have pretty decent collection of papanasan Sivan kirtanais ( Kavava is my favourite – singer sudha ragunathan ) and Bharathiyar songs ( Fav: Thikku theriyatha kaatil - Unnikrishnan ).The Icing on the cake is ‘Kurai Ondrum Illai’ Sung by MS Subbulakshmi. Everytime i listen to his song i feel something rolling in my stomach. Powerful song

Friday, March 16, 2007

Music Talk (Copying, Shruthi, Suddha Saveri, Hindolam, Aandholika, Madhyamaavathi, Bowli, Sriraagam)

A.R.Rahman is the number one copier in the world. My friend is very much convinced on this matter. He called A.R.Rahman as a mammoth recycling bin that takes its own previously tuned songs and polishes it and presents it in a different form. Is it correct to call the flute interlude in "margazhi poovae" as a copy of kausalya supraja? A.R. Rahman has tuned his margazhi poovae in the ragam Hindholam. Subbulakshmi's Kausalya supraja is in the ragam Sudha Saveri. If Rahman indeed copied willfully, how could he present a Sudha Saveri tune in a Hindholam song?

The concept of Sruthi is very illusory. We know that if we sounded a note with any frequency (X) and another note twice its frequency (2X), then there is an entire octave between these two notes. Be X = 1 hertz, and 2X = 2 hertz, or be X = 100,000 hertz and 2X = 200,000 Hz, there is one and only one octave inbetween these two respective sets of notes. Thus we will have an entire Sa Ri Ga Ma Pa Da Ni Sa between these notes. So, you can take any frequency (Sa) and play the 2X frequency of that fundamental frequency (upper Sa) and make a shruthi. Additionally if you played X x 2 * 7/12 (read this as X times 2 to the power 7/12) with X and 2X, then, you are adding the panchamam to the two Sa's and you get panchama shruthi. Instead, if you played X x 2 * 5/12 (X times 2 to the power 5/12), you are adding madhyamam to the two Sa's and it is called as the madhyama shruthi.

Shruthi forms the territorial boundaries in music. Any swara derives its identity only with reference to the shruthi. A single note when played alone is probably meaningless in classical music without the Shruthi. Shruthi by itself is pleasant music. In katcheris you may often see somebody sitting on the stage and playing the thambura. The thambura just gives the Sa Pa Sa notes to the Katcheri. That is the SHRUTHI!! Ilaiyaraaja has many times just used the Sa Pa Sa shruthi as the background score in cinemas and lilted the audience by the magical effect of the SHRUTHI! Rahman also has used the drone of the Shruthi conspicously in many of his songs and added great melody to the songs (eg: the panthuvarali song in Rangeela sung by Swarana Latha and Udit Narayan. What a classical piece!!)

The swaras of Sudha Saveri are: Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Da2 Sa; Sa Da2 Pa Ma1 Ri2 Sa. If we played Kausalya Supraja the tune goes like this: Sa Ri Ri (kausalya) Sa Ri Ri (supraja), Sa Ri Sa Ri (Rama poorva), Sa Ri Sa Ri Sa Sa (Sandhya pravarthadhae). The above swaras have meanings only within their respective Shruthi. If you viewed these notes from within the boundaries of a different musical territory, then it might have a different meaning. What if you viewed these notes from the reference shruthi of "Ri2-Da2-Ri2"?! The ragam might change totally. It is like Pandiyarajan and S.V.Sekhar travelling overnight and going to Kerala in Kadhanayakan!! Though Thamizhnadu and Kerala are adjacent states, words might have totally opposite meanings there! If a Thamizh doctor prescribed a sleeping pill to a Malayalee and told him "ee guligai ravilae kazhicho!", he will be in trouble. Because, "ravilae" means night in Thamizh and morning in Malayalam! See how different the meanings are?!

What A.R.Rahman has done is, he has skillfully "copied" the Sudha Saveri swaras and transliterated it into Hindholam as Ga2 Ma1 Ma1, Ga2 Ma1 Ga2 Ma1 and so on. We don't know if he purported to copy or if it was a strange co-incidence. But, the fact is that a Coke can got recycled and came back to us as a Pepsi can! Sometimes, Coke cans can get a new sticker on its face (with no shruthi change and stuff!) and can be sold as Goli soda locally. That has happened in the background rhythm guitar score in "kuluvaliyae" (Muthu) song. The same piece comes in Sister Act. Ilaiyaraaja too has got incriminated many times for such blatant similarity of his songs to other popular songs ("en purushan thaan enaku mattum thaan" in some movie was called as a copy of "dham maerae dham").

Aandholika is a pleasant janyam of Harikaambodi ragam. Its arohanam and avarohanam are Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Ni2 Sa; Sa Ni2 Da2 Ma1 Ri2 Sa. Thyagaraja swamy has got a terrific krithi in this ragam, which is mostly sung as a thukkada in Katcheris. The krithi is "raga sudha rasa". I have heard a story long ago. That Padma Subramaniam had a song tuned for her dance performance in this Ragam. At that time Ilaiyaraaja was in someway conected with Padma's troup to earn his daily bread (probably as a "mike" boy or something!). Then, later he became picked up by "Ms. Luck" after he made his debut in film "Annakili". He had lot of chances flowing in his way then. Mullum malarum is a terrific movie. It must be within first 50 films of Ilaiyaraaja tuning few totally unheard kinds of lilting tunes then. But, he also got his name spoiled in that movie because of "copying" Padma's Aandolika ragam tune.

The song is "raaman aandalum raavanan aandalum". The song is actually a tappanguthu but, in the interlude of the song the chorus sings a bit which goes like "samiyai kumbitta namaku nalladhu thaan varumae". The tune is supposed to be in pure Aandholika (the same tune that Padma used in her Dance performance earlier). Reportedly she complained in some interview about how Ilaiyaraaja had "copied" her tune. We know that music directors like Ilaiyaraaja and Rahman have got very fertile mind and they have proved it by generation of wonderful tunes. The judgement that these eminant people copied other people's work cannot be passed so easily. It is in the innermost conscience of these personalities that the secret dwells if they are felon or not. Perhaps, it can never be known to the outside world unless they frankly admit like Anand ("yes, we are fans of Ilaiyaraaja, we do use his tunes in our songs")!

Madhyamaavathi is a grand janya ragam of Karaharapriya. Perhaps it is the greatest of the pentatonic ragas (oudhuva oudhuva ragam). Its arohanam and avarohanam are: Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Ni2 Sa; Sa Ni2 Pa Ma1 Ri2 Sa. Ilaiyaraaja liked this ragam so much that he has atleast tuned 40 to 50 songs in this great ragam. Madhyamavathi is distinct among other pentatonic ragas. It is a very much gamaka oriented ragam. It is like the Thodi of janya ragas. You can just play the notes of the 45 melam (subhapanthuvarali) in the harmonium and make the ragam evident. Similarly you can just play Sa Ri2 Ma2 Pa Ni3 Sa in the harmonium and make Hamsanadham ragam evident, but, you cannot get Madhyamavathi by just playing the notes in a plain "bland" way. You have to make the notes spicy! Gently make the Rishabham and Nishadham oscillate above their baseline frequency, there comes the unparalled beauty, Ms. Madhyamaavathi!!

Ilaiyaraaja has tuned a great Madhyamavathi ("adipaennae"). Each time I listen to this song it creates an inexplicable feeling in my mind. The song is so romantic, so well sung that it directly stimulates some unknown erogenous zones in the psyche. Ilaiyaraaja has reasonably used the gamakas well. This was probably his second Madhyamavathi, the first one being "solaikuyilae". Solaikuyilae starts like Pa Pa Ri Sa Ri.... A lofty jump from madhyama sthayi Pa to tharasthayi Rishabam. Maalaikadhirae goes like Sa Sa Ni Sa Ni.....Pa, such a prolonged nishadham. Most of the melody of this ragam resides with the Ri and Ni. The gamakam is absolutely important, period! Look at the beauty of Papanasam Sivan's opening in Madhyamavathi in "karpagamae kadai kann paarai" - Sa Ri Sa Ri.... Actually the gamakam of Ri encompasses the sadharana gandharam too. It is like RiGa, RiGa...! Ilaiyaraaja's use of impeccable gamaka adorned Rishabam at the very opening of the song is too classic. It is like Krishnamachari Srikanth sending the first opening ball to the boundary!

Ilaiyaraaja has given few more Madhyamavathi's in quite pure form. En kalyana vaibhogam is one early number. Sridhar's first venture with Ilaiyaraaja. Vani Jayaram has sung this song. Then, aagaya gangai, nee thaanae endhan ponvasantham, thulli thulli nee padamma, thalattu pillai ena thaalaatu, malargalil aadum illamai, nee kaeta naan mataen etc.
A.R. Rahman has used small bits of Madhyamavathi in the interlude of his song "then then thithikkum then" (Thiruda thiruda). Some singer called Jadhiraja has sung some fast swaras with pungent electric guitar sending shocks of Madhyamavathi vibrations with his voice! (I heard that Mr.Jadhiraja is none other than Rahman himself!) Madhyamaavathi by earlier music directors include Ponnondru kandaen, Muthukkalo kangal, aagaya pandhalilae, etc. Can we forget the great presentation of Devarajan in Swamy Iyyapan "hariharatmajam viswamasrayae" sung by Jesudoss. It is a divine feast to listen to this slow song.

Madhyamavathi is supposed to be a Mangalakaramaana ragam. Tradionally when we end the katcheri, it is customary to end the katcheri in one of the three ragas: Madhyamavathi, Suruti, or Sowrashtram. Ilaiyaraaja used Madhyamavathi to end the song in one of his ragamaalika songs! enna samayalo in "Unnal Mudiyum Thambi". The song starts with mohanam and ends with Madhyamaavathi. When SPB sings "illayai podadi", Madhyamavathi starts. Ofcourse, each of the raga change in that ragamalikai is made by the accompanying nadhaswaram.

If we change the kaisiki nishadham (Ni2) of madhyamavathi in the arohanam to kaakali nishadham (Ni3) then the raga form changes drastically. It is Brindhavana Saranga. It is a bhashangam because of double Nishadham. Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Ni3 Sa; Sa Ni2 Pa Ma1 Ri2 Sa. Some of Ilaiyaraaja's song in this ragam are fantastic. Poongatrae poongatrae, kannukullae anbin eeram enna are both enthralling songs. These Brindhavana Saranga's are as captivating as Subulakshmi's "Sriranga Pura Vihara" or Balamurali's "kamalaptakula". The later songs that he tuned in this raga are Penn onru thai aanadhu and indha jilla muzhuka nalla theriyum. In the latter song MSV has used double Nishadham in the arohanam itself (like Pa Ni2 Ni3 Sa)! It is one of the best songs that he has ever tuned, sung by Vani Jayaram.

Mullum Malarum has another fantastic song. Senthazham poovil is a kinda try in Bowli ragam (with lot of foreign notes in the interlude). Bowli is one of the early morning ragas. Other early morning ragas are Boopaalam, Revagupti, Malayamaarudham etc. When your cousin is getting married, you are very tired during the night of Janavaasam. coming back to the Kalyana chathiram only at 4 AM to sleep. You have hardly slept for 30 mts, and you hear the irritating Nadhaswaram vidhwan playing "pee pee" to wake up everybody. He is playing one of the above ragams! Boopalam is Thodi janyam: Sa Ri1 Ga2 Pa Da1 Sa; Sa Da1 Pa Ga2 Ri1 Sa. Bowli is Mayamalava Gowlai Janyam with Ga3 instead of Ga2 in Boopalam. I don't know who is the music director.

Madhyamaavathi is closely related Sriragam (Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Ni2 Sa; Sa Ni2 Pa Ma1 Ri2 Ga2 Ri2 Sa) and Manirangu (Sa Ri2 Ma1 Pa Ni2 Sa; Sa Ni2 Pa Ma1 Ga2 Ri2 Sa). There is one film song in Sriragam. Thoda thoda vaa mella has been tuned by Malayalam music director Ravindran. I think the movie is Rasikan oru rasikai. Two years ago, I heard another Sriragam song (andhi maalai) that has been exactly tuned in the tune of Thyagraja krithi Entharo mahaanu bavulu. That song was in a music album. I don't know who realised it. But do know that it was someway connected with Rahman.
Now, coming to the original discussion about shruthi, look what happens to our Madhyamavathi when you start viewing it from different angles. Increase the reference shruthi by two notes, ie., Ri2-Da2-Ri2, then the raga changes to Hindholam. Increase by 5 notes, ie., Ma1-Sa-Ma1, then the raga changes to Sudha Saveri, by 7 notes, ie., Pa-Ri2-Pa, the raga changes to Sudha Dhanyasi, by 10 notes, ie., Ni2-Ma1-Ni2, then you get Mohanam from the same swaras!! Is it not wonderful! It is like the same man being a son, brother, father, and as uncle to different people by virtue of different relationship.

Mohanam is a nice, melodious ragam. Ilaiyaraaja is a real Mohanapriyan. No other music director in India would have given so many Mohanam as him. Among his hundreds of Mohanam hits we have kannan oru kai kuzhandhai vaan polae vannam (Salangai oli), kanmaniyae kaadhal enbadhu, poovil vandu, abc nee vaasi, oru thanga radhathil, kasthoori manae, ninnukori varnam, idhayam oru kovil, kukku koo koovum (Valli) etc. Some of the recent music directors seem to be handling Mohanam very well.

In katcheris, the shruthi is constantly vibrated either by the thamboora artist or the electronic shruthi. This reminds us the reference shruthi for that concert and we can identify a ragam with respect to that shruthi. But, in film music, where there is no background reminder of the shruthi, how can we identify the ragam correctly? As discussed above, it could be Madhyamavathi, Mohanam, Sudha Saveri, Hindholam, or Sudha Dhanyasi for the same swaras. And now comes the "nuances" or "ragalakshanam" issue! We can still identify by figuring out the kind of treatment that has been given to the swaras.

While you are singing in one particular shruthi, if you suddenly assume a different shruthi and sing the same swaras implying a different ragam, then it is called as shruthi-bedham. It is a highly scientific game that some muscians like T.N.Seshagopalan relish playing on the dais. He could sing Thodi and do a 1/2 kattai shruthi-bedham and make it sound like Kalyani. The Maestro has ingeniously tuned a song recently in which he suddenly assumes a different shruthi in the middle of the song. This is in vandhaal vandhal rajakumaari. In the Piano prelude he clearly indicates the shruthi initially . He starts the song like Ga3 Ma1 Pa, Pa Pa, Pa Da2 Pa, Pa Da2 Pa, Pa Da2 Pa Da2 Pa Ma1 Ga3 Ri2 Ga3 Ma1 Ga3 Ri.....If you were to call this pallavi as a ragam you can call it as Sankarabharanam. It is pukka! In the interlude he follows the same opening shruthi. But, when the charanam starts, he suddenly raises the shruthi by 4 notes and assumes the previous Ga3 as the Pa and develops a wonderful Charukesi from there on. It is ectastic to listen to this song again and again. Charukesi is the 26th melam with Sa Ri2 Ga3 Ma1 Pa Da1 Ni2 Sa. His other Charukesi are: amma nee sumandha, siriya paravai, aadal kalayae, thoodhu selvadhaaradi & chakkarakattiku chakkarakattiku.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Closing in on my goal - Am i Pregnant ???

Sometimes i wonder, what have we accomplished in life to be proud of ???
Now, after seeing the weighing machine in a nearby hotel going crazy, about two rounds to show me im close to 100kg, i realized my goal isn't too far to achieve.. just 6 more and im done !!!

I'll sway my hands like lara exulting after his 400*..... finally im going to achieve something to be proud of.... To those who think im just another crazy little (Big though) fellow wasting time, yeah u r right and what else a man of my calibre can achieve anything in life to be proud of !!

Some say getting married and giving birth to a child as a proof of ur existance in itself is an achievement. I being decided to be bachelor for my lifetime(most of my inmates nuggle at me when i say this) , consider this as an achivement. Ofcourse only god knows how am i going to trim my tummy.. which i believe never going to happen due to my errant lifestyle these days..

How much have i changed?? well, if u were my class mate or a collegemate, u'd definitely mistake for a pregnant man :) !!! atleast thatz what my friends say abt me... Seriously nothing in my food habits have changed, neither did i.. But im seriously considering taking a scan for i doubt if due to some ET like or external powers, something is growing in me !!!
Am i Pregnant ???

The Cup Of Life....

good one!! (I got this mail from someone, quite interesting...)

A group of alumni (old students), highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and some variety of cups. Porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some beautiful... Telling them to take the cups themselves.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eying each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. So, don't let the cups drive you...,

enjoy the coffee instead.....

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Loner

The Loner

You rush past me in a distorted world
with indistinct eyes and a blurry demeanor.
I don't remember your face
and you don't see mine.

I drive through infinite country roads.
Dim burrow's from destination to destination.
Cacophonous thoughts drown my senses
and I realize that I don't want to know you,

but I have no choice.
No choice, because I have made my choices.
Leaning out of the window precariously,
I see you toss your head back and laugh.

You don't feel the bitter steel of the gun on your temple.
You choose to be a simpleton and the utter inevitability of your joy weighs on me.
You smile at me.
You look into my eyes.

We hold hands and lose ourselves in the moment,
in our own different ways.
You wonder if I like you
and I wonder if I will ever be content.

You talk about your new shoes
and exquisite interiors of exclusive studio's,
while I think of village fields flickering with fireflies,
dark silhouettes on street corners and the plight the unborn fetus.
And we both smile. We both smile.

We cannot be more different, yet more alike.
I have no interest in hearing what
you have to say and you don't want
to find out what I'm not saying.

I don't want to know what you do,
but what you ache for.
Can you describe the dull pain you suffer as you smile?
I want you to tell me where it hurts and if you are fixing it.

I want to feel your passion,
be lost in the trance of your fervor.
If you were not here with me, where would you be?
If you could get anything you want, what would that mean to you?

Tell me what it was like when you were a baby.
Can I hear your prayer?
Can you show me where you buy your masks?
Give me hope against the condemned mundane.

Save me.

I contemplate the nature of my curse.
I cannot run away from you because you are everywhere I go.
In every street corner and every page of my book.
You are every man and every woman I meet.

You don't know me, and I don't like you.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Musings

"So many girls have come and gone, as crushes and affairs, yet our friendhsip has remained intact. You see, friendship among boys are very much unlike that amongst girls - they last, maybe forever", he boasted to her. The girl sitting opposite to him smirked, and said, "No way. You would realise that sooner or later".That was more than three years back.

"You care more about your friends than me", his girlfriend complained."You mustn't compare two different types of relationships. I care about my friends, but that doesn't mean I care more about them than I care about you. You wouldn't understand because you don't have many friends", he retorted. That was two years back.

Now, two years into work, these sentences echo in his mind as he sits and wonders about changing times. At least, its a "documented feature" and not a "flaw", he consoles himself. Its very normal for youngsters his age to be affected by the "Quarter Life Syndrome", he'd read somewhere. He glanced at the big colour poster of the him and his friends, which had "Dil Chahta Hai" printed at the top....How times have changed. He remembered Akshay Khanna's dialogue from that movie - "Saal mei ek baar kya, das saal mei ek baar bhi milna mushkil ho jaayega".

His thoughts drifted to other friends. His close friend at college who drifted away for no particular reason. That friend was now married (an early love marriage), and they seldom talked - once in six months, compared to the daily hour-long telephone conversations, and night-outs for completing assignments at college. His friends from school, some of whom had full time access to email but seldom wrote anything other than in reply. They were genuinely busy, but what are we working for, if we can't be in touch with close friends at least once a month, he mused.

He sighed. He has begun to accept the changes. He knows that times can never be the same again. That some more years later, he may feel the same way he was feeling about the recent past.

He tried to put his stray thoughts to rest and relax by listening to some music. He took out his iPod and played a song at random.

And if I had a choice,

Yeah, I'd always wanna be there,

Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '05

Hey, wait a minute - Bryan Adam's song is Summer of '69 and not '05. He shook his head and dozed off to sleep.

Musings !!

Run.
My first impulse.
But I stand unmoved.

Cry.
I wish I could.
But there’s no wound to heal.

Hide.
I think I will.
Shrink into the dark corners of my mind.

Scream.
I think I am.
But there isn’t the slightest sound.

Smile.
Im trying my best.
But its hard to console, for i think im hurt.

Live.
Yeah! i willCoz im very courageous,
so eager to turn the pages of my book.

A perfect Oxymoron- Busiest Vetti...

The days keep on rolling without any useful wrk done but something or the other kept engaging me obstructing frm doing things as planned. Evenings frm 6-7.30 are dedicated for TT practice, I think tat was the only useful thing which I have been done a while these days.

But now as usual, another Monday popped in wherein the daily routine continues.................

Strength is Life, Weakness is death.

Success begins with Fellows will
its all in a state of mind.
Life's battle donot always go to the stronger OR faster man.
The man who wins IS THE ONE WHO THINKS HE CAN