A place for me to speak-out. A chance for my soul to seek...
' Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue, the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet;
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams '
- William Butler Yeats
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The End Game Begins !!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Betrayal - Yet again...
much harder to digest.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
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Thursday, September 03, 2009
~~~ My métier no more ~~~
The quick 3 minute ride in the elevator to the basement from the 94th storey paled in comparison to the arduous climb floor by floor – stair by stair he made to reach the place he called home for the past four years or possibly more than he could remember. He had a whole new world waiting for him, new horizons to explore, new trails to leave behind, lots of apprehensions and a whole lot of excitement, but he wasn’t on the 94th floor no more and it felt unfamilar.
I feel like that guy now as I try to stay afloat in a deluge of nostalgia I am besieged by. It was a passionate journey with fervent enthusiasm paving the way to where I felt I had found my true métier. The association may have been sudden but I asseverate I sure woolgathered long and hard about it . Each time I debated as a student upholding its monopolistic ways, each time I glanced at its founder’s signature on a xanthous piece of paper carefully tucked away in my wallet, each time I powered on my window to the world, I wanted to see myself inside it with a seething desire to be a spoke in the wheel that drove the entire industry. I can still smell the stench of accomplishment emanating from every pore of my skin when I knew I was finally there, to stay, the very first time, raring to take on my fraternity and come out a proud man.
The charm and the zest, however, dwindled with time as the ennui of work began to set in but it sure was an eventful ride, One that showed me the prejudiced and mediocre minds full of vanity and pretence and the one that left me with bragging rights of having influenced, even if in miniscule proportions, a huge portion of humanity.
I dont particularly like the eeriness of the defeat. The muteness and the humility that comes with it. I had always wanted to associate myself with the ruthlessness of victory and haughtiness of it. And still remaining humble is what is iam to me. But things aren’t the same since i embarked on my endeavour for a wild goose chase.
I feel like Iam off the wagon now and for the good, (though i still scuff along down to peril) pursuing something else which over time has become the fancy of my imagination but as I look back I feel strange realizing that I am yet to find my true métier after all.
PS: I seriously wanted to post something cheerful from the brighter days of my life back then. But can’t help with as the situations are getting worser ever day for me. Do stick with me pals for i need you all the most now which gives the strength to fight and lead the rebellion. I shall see the light of the day someday or other.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Oblivion - Endless Road Of Misery
Along the bay watching those ships steer by
Marching towards their destiny they cruise
I was Trying to make sense to my life since it all went aloof
Watching my entire life just passing me by
Too scared to leave, too frightened to stay
Wondering how do I get through one more cloudy day
Mapped out with directions, compass in hand
Instead I am on the road to oblivion
Miserable inside, yet I go on pretending i'll move on
Time and again misery keeps following me on
Trying to realize where it all had gone wrong
Who was I once and what I have become
Trapped in the past for too long
With diminishing hopes as days pass on
Wondering if i'll find a way back into life
No matter how hard I run, Im still gasping for breath in the same cage
Sometimes it seems as eons have passed me by
Waiting like a lonely moon and crying within the infinite sky
Not knowing what lies ahead more mistakes to make
But through it all I still keep walking on
Following me, the Darkness still keeps stalking on
I still keep walking on this endless road of misery
Loneliness ahead, emptiness behind
wondering how long can I go on?
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Independent India - Musings on the IDay 63
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
There is Light at the end of the tunnel...
No.. No... wait... this isn't just another musing about how deplorable a state im in these days,to the contrary this is about how i just overcame one of those impedes which gave me a bit of confidence that i too shall see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Needless to say how pathetic a state am i in overall. But just one of those components of it is my talking. I've been talking mindlessly over everything. I've even beento meetings where i've uttered statements without knowing what i meant and presumably my words absolutely meant nothing. it made absolute indifference of either my words neither my presence.
I wasn't this bad afterall for i had a good vocabulary to choose words from within, had taken several seminars and took a few concept lectures for my juniors and even for M.Tech's, I've done a few papers and did my own project presentations including those hectic review meetingswhere ppl will shoot point-blank questions only about why i've not done those things and about how wrong a path im in. I took them all in their stride, i managed my life pretty well those days. Never been frustrated and was always cool when it matters most esp. those intense presentations and question hours. There were some significant comments even from my guides about how jocular i am when i took those seminars. I've always enjoyed interactions. But days have rolled now.... I guess its enough boasting off and now where where were I ???
It was one of those presentations where-in I had to present something (a work we did in our dept.) with few big ppls (they claim so !!) around. I had a lot of points to make and few chords to strike at the right time.As usual I fainted and blabbered incessantly as my words meant nothing even to me and feeling which i scrambled to safe mode and managed to salvage few bits of those messes i left and in process forgot all those points i had in mind, which in-turn evidently resulted as questions which neither me nor my boss enjoyed as it'd raise unwarranted fingers at ppl's ability and so forth which are applicable to every corporates as if a norm.
And then stood my boss who handled things from there and took it in his shoulders to shoo away them all which he did pretty well. I felt ashamed of having done more than few bits of work, i failed to make an impact. And thatis what counts out here the place where i work.
That night i repented for what i did (But can't help myself), was angry at myself and was equally quizeed as to why have i become so deterred, so weak now,and most importantly so soon. It was evident by then that i am running low on confidence. I wasn't feeling that positive enough and those ruthlessspirit, confidence and hope i had carried had faded away considerably. Iam not sure at myself these days. But the worst part is i could hardly do anything about it now.
The very next day called my boss to tell me how unhappy he was (he never used to tell that even though i flopped and always fell short of his yardstick, he'd only talk about the positives).But that was a very different person i was speaking to. Actually i was happy that somone is pointing my mistakes and to which i meekly listened. He was telling how bad i sounded when i actually stood there stumbling for words. And told me that the problem wasn't my language or fear (coz i never had feard ppl in ranks. I always speak of what i think explicitly irrespective of their position). But it was indeed my thinking which has to be changed, he said.
To which i returned null. For a moment I had though he must've been to one of those inspirational management Programmes or to those lectures about how to motivate others et al. But thankfully he made sense. He knew exacly what was the problem with me (My talking).
He said "you are always thinking about the points you wanted to make and are waiting for that time and in-turn failing to say what has to be said until then. And thinking about the next sentence everytime you are always failing to say what has to be said now." WHich sounded a bitnormal advice and those typecast advice given by the experts but when thought upon made much sense and to my surprise, alas! i've found answer to one of myumteen questions.
It took me a while as I began my course correction measures. I started from thinking where did i get this habit from and found out that i was actually learning those times to play guitar and was having trouble following the notes in which always i had to see the notes ahead and how should i changemy fingers subsequently but should play what is on the present time also following the beats. I struggled really hard to cope up with all these and in-turn had been thinking about what i had to say next even when i speak. This really took some time to sink-in.
But i think im really able to manage things better now. Had a important meeting with few ppl last week (non-official and non-personal... no raising of eyebrows, it ends here...) i was really thankful to my boss for the first time since i met him for really giving me a reformativefeedback for the first time. And if only he could give reasons\feedbacks for all the scrutinizing he did or for what he did for me so for i could've changed myself to cope with what was really expected of me. (Seriously, I still do not know... and is worth an introspection)
That being said, this was really helpful for me as a person and to groom myself for the so called professional life. And most importantly gave me a bit of confidence to believe that i too could see some light and have helped me in keeping my hope alive. Thanks to him for I couldn'ttell this directly to him which would mean the otherwise (especially this month :)... Never mind im confident and have no big expectations for i know what is it that counts in this part of the world..)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
How do you plan to develop the country.
collaborate for the common goal.
Vande Matraram....
tu he paas bi naye laga he..........
taai manne vanakkam....
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Musings : what i am today...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Life has started to move on...
Just thought of tell u im very much alive to trouble for days to come... Cheerz mates
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Allah ke bande - Translation
An wonderful translation of Allah ke bande... Inspired by the sufi poetry...
crossposted from - tat tvam asi
Toota Toota Ek Parinda Aise Toota An angel was so badly broken
Ke Phir Jud Naa Paaya That he could not be healed
Loota Loota Kisne Usko Aise Loota Somebody stole (the wings) from the angel
Ke Phir Ud Naa Paaya Till he was unable to fly
O O O O Toota Toota Ek Parinda Aise Toota
Ke Phir Jud Naa Paaya
Loota Loota Kisne Usko Aise Loota
Ke Phir Ud Naa Paaya
Girta Hua Woh Asma Se he fell from the sky
Aakar Gira Zameen Par Onto the earth
Khwabon Mein Phir Bhi Badal Hi The Yet in his dreams there were still only clouds
Woh Kehta Raha Magar And he kept saying
Ke Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande that the people of Allah will always stay happy (laughing)
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega The people of Allah will always be laughing... whatever happens, there will always be another day
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Kho Ke Aapne Par Hi To Usne Tha Ud Naa Sikha Only after losing his wings did he learn to fly
Kho Ke Aapne Par Hi To O O O
Kho Ke Aapne Par Hi To Usne Tha Ud Naa Sikha
Gham Ko Aapne Saath Mein Lele Dard Bhi Tere Kaam Aayega Take your sorrow with you, for the pain will be of use to you
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Aa Aa Aaa
Tukde Tuke Ho Gaya Tha Har Sapna Jab Woh Toota He broke into pieces when every dream of his broke
Tukde Tuke Ho Gaya Tha Aa Aaa Aa
Tukde Tuke Ho Gaya Tha Har Sapna Jab Woh Toota
Bhikre Tukdon Mein Allah Ki Marzi Ka Manzar Paayega It is only in the scattered pieces of your dreams that you will find the meaning of Allah's Will.
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah Ke Bande Hasde Allah Ke Bande
Monday, June 08, 2009
World T20 - A Review and Preview
Hi all
This is Rajesh friend of Subramani (chuppandi), I am back with one more article on cricket after the “Half way analysis on IPL”; this is time on the current World T20 ICC tournament. This is a review of the first two rounds in the group stage and a preview of the upcoming stages in the tournament.
Most importantly the qualification criterion of
Review
Two rounds in Group stage of the T20 world cup have come to an end yesterday.
Group A –
As expected t20 champions have qualified to next round but has some niggles in the team and in the performances too, hope they rectify it before they face
Group D –
Expected stuff, both the giants thrashed Scots and entered next round, but the game between them tomorrow speaks a lot for their momentum and supremacy in their group.
Group C –
Group of death given the way for Hell to
Group B –
What to turn around within a couple of days, Dutch beat English who then was considered as out of the tournament as Pakistanis were in good form and yesteryear’s runner up tag, but england’s win against Pakistan put back in the groove for England who qualified for next round irrespective of the result on today’s match.
What
Preview
Super Eight
Due to some upsets the super eight may lack some firepower and glamour. How the teams stack up in the next round irrespective of their ranks in the group stage?
Group E India
Group F
Group E is tougher comparatively where
With passion for Cricket
Rajesh Kumar R
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Fake IPL Player has revealed - he has exposed himself in his new video
Thursday, May 14, 2009
IPL Analysis
As the IPL second season is nearing its finale… It’s a question of whose gonna crab the semifinal spot. With their solidarity and consistency Delhi Daredevils has confirmed their berth to play the semis, as Sehwag saying after the win against Deccan chargers “we will be paid $50,000 for each win”, that’s a big boost for a win GMR holdings giving to the team, its all the due respect for the team’s commitment in the field. As half of the table is left with only two more matches (leaving out Kolkata with 11 matches) and their final grab is not too far but too tough.
Points Table | ||||||
Team | Played | Won | Lost | Tie | Pts | NRR |
| 10 | 8 | 2 | 0 | 16 | 0.362 |
Chennai Super Kings | 11 | 6 | 4 | 1 | 13 | 1.070 |
Rajasthan royals | 12 | 6 | 5 | 1 | 13 | -0.339 |
| 11 | 6 | 5 | 0 | 12 | 0.297 |
Royal Challengers | 12 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 12 | -0.309 |
Mumbai Indians | 12 | 5 | 6 | 1 | 11 | 0.489 |
Kings XI Punjab | 11 | 5 | 6 | 0 | 10 | -0.570 |
Kolkata Knight Riders | 11 | 1 | 9 | 1 | 3 | -1.042 |
Individual Team analysis
Having played only 10 matches, they are topping the table, with no doubts for their position in the semis, the need to carry the momentum just to keep up the morale of the team.
Chennai Super Kings
After the loss against
The defending champions proved that they are one of the strong contenders for the title with a last ball win against Mumbai last day. Commitment, team work, shrewd captaincy all in one place gives the edge for this team, but inconsistency and poor batting being the worries, they need to work on these areas to carve their names on the trophy once again. One win will cement the place in the semis but playing against top ranked consistent
Winning 4 matches on the trot, and losing the last game of on the verge of win shows the inconsistency of the team which relies mostly on Gilchrist starts, they need to regroup quickly to earn a place in semis. Major worries being the inconsistent batting form of the middle order which was bolstered by the addition of Symonds, but the fielding on the last match was not up to the mark. This team also playing against Kolkata and kings XI Punjab (low ranked in the table) but have to win any one which is also a concern as opponents are aiming wins for pride. Having three matches and placed in 4th position there is no talk of complacency for this team, as the resurgence of
Royal Challengers
New resurgent team which ended up in the bottom of the table last year will aim for big turn around this season with two tough matches to be played against
Mumbai Indians
Having talked as one of the favorites at the start of this season, this team has let down themselves from there. Only two games in the chart against tougher opponents Chennai and
Kings XI Punjab
Huge expectation, good start, low performance and inconsistency, close finish games ending with losses are the tags for this team. Three games against tougher teams (Delhi, Deccan, Chennai) giving a least chance for this team to semis but wins in the rest of the games may have huge say in the table as well which will be big upsets for the near contenders for the semis. This team has the potential to do that. Being positive and committed in the field, most of all good bowling could give this team an edge for the top spots.
Kolkata Knight Riders
This team cannot make to the semis, but their comeback in the last game is remarkable, poor performances in batting, fielding & bowling are being the concern for them since the start of this season, but somehow got back in the batting in the last match, but not fully from the other two depts. Their wins against
Regards
Rajesh Kumar R
Rebirth is uncertain, enjoy each moment of this Life.